Three weeks!

Three Weeks! And Happy Halloween!!

This is our adorable little ladybug!

In other news, things are going well this week. It feels like my hormones are starting to level out. The feelings of panic are further apart, and we are down to days between instead of hours. :] Baby H has been eating more and more, which means more dirty diapers, but she is definitely filling out her post-womb wrinkles nicely. Jonathan and I have been enjoying her times of increased alertness, and her funny sleeping faces (smiles, pursed lips, frowns, etc.) even if they are just gas or whatever. They are still super cute!

Her little umbilical cord finally fell off on day 17! Is that considered an innie or an outie?

Wouldn't it be so ironic if it was an outie, considering my paranoia that my own bellybutton would pop?

She and I have been spending mornings watching tv, studying, eating and changing diapers. I think I'm finding a good rhythm in it all. The new normal is sometimes a little difficult, but Jonathan is awesome about leading me back to where I need to be, and I'm beginning to enjoy the new normal slowly.

                   

                              That bow is as big as her head!         She loves kicking when we get her harness off! ha.

She had been sleeping well through the night (5 hours, and then 3 hours), but for the past couple of nights she has thrown me for a loop, sleeping less at first and startling me awake from sleep cycles. That's all right, though! :D

                                      This is the onesie grandma Dona gave her.           big yawn with daddy!

And ninja baby! <3 this picture!!

That's it for the update. :D What I wanna know, is do I count her one month on the 10th of next month? Or do I count her one month at 4 weeks? This is going to get confusing really soon....

Love y'all!! Thank you for your continued prayers and love!



Two Weeks!

Hadassah is officially two weeks old, and was 7 pounds at her weight check yesterday! Which means she is officially over her birth weight! Hooray! At her appointment last week she was down to 6 pounds, 8 ounces, which was a normal loss I guess for a newborn from her birth weight, but it still made us a little nervous. In any case, she has been eating well, and digesting well. Hah!

That's her. All harnessed and passed out after her appointment yesterday. So small and adorable. She just got done eating, her favorite time to sleep.

Here are some more pictures of her second week:

Awake and showing off her blue eyes!           And a Bull family picture. :D

Hadassah and I.

Hadassah and her daddy. She loves looking at him. :]         And Hadassah and her uncle Matt!

Both of us, quite tired.

As for breastfeeding, it's finally working out a lot better. Hadassah will drink from the breast and just about any type of bottle. The only problem she is having now is when my let down is really fast and she fusses because she can't keep up--but everyone says she will eventually catch up as she gets bigger. She still has some trouble falling asleep at the breast if she is only half awake but still really hungry, so a bottle is really helpful in those times. I got a wonderful contraption called a nipple shield that helps control the let down, and helps her latch when she's really sleepy, and that has been super helpful, too.

So, for those of you who I haven't requested daily prayer from, I have been dealing with baby blues. Heavily. If I've missed calls or texts that is probably why (unless it was yesterday afternoon/evening because my phone died! Sorry!!) I haven't had a lot of energy to talk with people, and when I do it usually involves some crying. It isn't a fun experience. But today has been good so far, so I will take it where I can get it! Mostly it's transitioned to a lot of panicky feelings that don't seem to have a stem (like, they don't come from feelings of incompetence as a mom, or being unsure of what to do with a baby. They are just there for no reason), and it is becoming less crazy crying. But I do a lot better when I keep busy, and make sure I have stuff to do. I still feel a little panicked, but it tends to overtake me less. So I will be studying a lot, cleaning and cooking a lot, and trying my best to keep busy. Continued prayer is needed that I would trust God, and lean into Him when it gets rough while I'm home alone during the day.

That all being said, Jonathan and I are falling more and more in love with our little one as her wrinkles fill out in her hands and feet, and she graces us with her unusual awake times. Jonathan adores just looking at her, and loving on her, and it's such a joy to watch him shower her with love. She is such a blessing to us! 

She is still sleeping a lot, but she IS only two weeks old! It's a lot to take in and learn. It's been a blessing the past two nights that she has slept for 5 hours in a row before waking up, and then another three before we have to start our day. It was 4 hours last week, so it's nice to see it lengthening a little. She is a good sleeper, and I can praise God for it, now that she is gaining weight and waking up to eat regularly during the day. If we are lucky, this sleeping at night trend will continue until she teethes (which is what my dad told me I did! Slept through the night until teething...) and then we can cross that hurty, sad bridge when we come to it.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers! And to the ladies who commented on my last post, thank you so much for your encouragement!! It is great to hear that this is normal, and that there is an end to these feelings. We appreciate everyone! Love!!

One Week.

Well. It's been one week since the birth of my daughter, Hadassah! Well, technically it will be one week at 8:56 pm. And there is a lot to update, and I think I might be too candid. If so, I'm sorry. So without further ado:

We went in for our appointment on Wednesday of last week, they did an ultrasound and found out that she had flipped sometime during the week and was now breech. They also found that the amniotic fluid was low, so they immediately shipped us off to the hospital for a c-section... without explaining a lot. Which really freaked me out. By the time we got there, they had prepped my room and were finding a time for the surgery. I hadn't ever had surgery before so I was just a lot nervous and scared. Not to mention my only experience with anesthesia had not been a pleasant one (wisdom teeth removal, anesthesia resulting in a panic attack. Not a great experience.)

So they set my c-section for 8:30 pm (at the time it was about 4:30 pm, but we had eaten right before the appointment and they had to wait some hours after I had eaten). In the end, they wheeled me into the room at 8:15pm. I was getting a little panicky already, as it was my first surgery. Jonathan was amazingly supportive, and absolutely amazing. Here he is pre-c-section:

The anesthesiologist was great. He was funny and eased my nerves. The nurses were great, too, trying to calm me. In the end when the spinal kicked in, it really freaked me out and my lungs felt too heavy to breathe. I panicked. :/ But the anesthesiologist really helped me by telling me what was going on in my body, and assuring me that if I could talk, I could breathe. Jonathan came in, and could see I was struggling, and I think him just being there really helped me. It was a comfort being able to know he was there. I completely forgot what I was there for until they said "it's a girl!" and I started asked Jonathan if he could see her. He couldn't because she was still behind the blue clothe, but he updated me as soon as he could see her. Here is my first glimpse of her:

Totally took the panic away. And then she and Jonathan wisked away to get her cleaned up and checked out, while I got stitched up and put together, and then went to recovery for an hour. It was a long while until I could feel my extremeties. And they moved me into my room with my little girl beside me, and my wonderful husband following along!

Apparently because she was breech, she had her feet up by her head and her hips are a little loose, so she has to be in a brace for a few months (the time depends on how fast the hips correct themselves and develop). It makes changing diapers a little more difficult, but otherwise she doesn't seem to mind it.

The hospital stay was not long, but those nights felt really weird with her waking us up, and my not being able to move around much... learning and not always succeeding in nursing and trying to wake her up to eat when all she wanted to do was sleep. It was really frustrating being worried she wasn't eating and when she would just fall asleep when I would try to nurse. (Unfortunately this continued until we came home.) That being said, there were really good times of awe, just looking at our baby and loving her:

The hospital stay wasn't even a full 48 hours (the apparent norm for c-sections). We went in Wednesday night and were out on Friday afternoon. Everyone was really surprised that I wasn't hurting a lot, and could walk around pretty well. I'm still a little sore on my muscles above my inscision, but doing well. So we went home:

At home my hormone levels really took a turn for the worst, getting me really depressed and leaving me feeling empty. It didn't help that we were always panicking by how much she was sleeping, how little she was eating, and the frustration with breast feeding, which made me more depressed. We finally had to supplement with formula so she wouldn't get dehydrated. And then I got a pump, and we have been interchanging the breastfeeding that the bottle feeding as she allows. It's still a little disappointing sometimes, but I'm just glad she is eating regularly. I don't think it's good for me to worry too much about breast or bottle or formula or whatever, because it just really gets me down (and I'm not even totally sure why it means anything to me to begin with)-- and a depressed mommy isn't any good to a new baby. I'm already fighting baby blues from hormones, I shouldn't be worrying about the other stuff as long as the doctor tells me she is healthy! We go to the pediatrician today, so more updates after that!

Welcome to the planet!

Hadassah Ania. Via c-section because she was breech with low fluid levels. 10-10-12. 8:56pm. 6lbs 14oz. 19inches.

forty weeks...

Welcome to 40 weeks!

3 days since the due date.

This is getting ridiculous.

So, apparently you can pull, strain and tear your ab muscles. Which is, I'm pretty sure, what has happened to my lower right abdomen. And it is NOT fun. It hurts and aches and continues to get worse. Who knew getting up from the couch could pull a muscle? I certainly didn't.

Upon reading from google, apparently this is common in pregnancy. And all I can do is thank God that I didn't have it happen sooner! This would have been terrible throughout pregnancy, much less here in the last days of it. :/

Also, I sincerely apologize for not answering calls, texts, etc. I have been prone to tears and ridiculousness when people call to ask about "is the baby here yet" or "how are you feeling"! I am honestly trying my darndest not to think about her not being here yet, because when ladies at the gas station ask "when are you due?" and I say "last Friday" and have to stop myself from tears because I'm so tired and frustrated and huge and obviously pregnant and over it, I just need to get my mind away from it. I love you guys, and I appreciate the love and the concern and the prayers! I love that you care to call and see if I'm ok. But I'm not, and I don't want to think about it if I can. The more I think about it, the more I fear labor and the more frustrated I get that she still isn't here... which is crazy because most babies (first babies, but actually most babies altogether) are late. And I know that, and I knew that, but I'm just tired. And a lot of you who went through it know that. :] Anywho, thank you for your encouragement and your love and concern! And again, I'm sorry. On the other hand, I solemnly swear that I WILL CALL, TEXT, and POST when she does come. If you have not been updated, it's because she still isn't here. :] Thanks and love to you!

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HOW FAR ALONG?: Forty weeks and three days.

TOTAL WEIGHT GAIN?: like a million pounds.

MATERNITY CLOTHES?: I have four shirts that can fit over the belly.
STRETCH MARKS?: They have started to fade on the bottom....... which is a strange turn. Haha.

SLEEP?: Bah! Sleep? Who needs sleep? (ME! I need sleep! But alas, my body will NOT  allow it).

BEST MOMENT THIS WEEK?: Two movie nights with Jonathan! Cuddling in the cold house and hanging out. :]
WORST MOMENT THIS WEEK?: Her still not coming out. :[ All week.

MOVEMENT?: Right now actually.

MISS ANYTHING?: My mind. My sanity. My normal hormone levels.

FOOD CRAVINGS?: Sugar. But that could be the emo me talking.

ANYTHING MAKING ME QUEASY / SICK?: Nope.

GENDER?: a girl. A stubborn girl.

SYMPTOMS / MOODS?: A pulled abdomen muscle, an enormous beachball belly (Jonathan and I have concluded we have moved beyond basketball size...), a waddle and the inability to get up and down from chairs, beds, couches, and seats in cars.

BELLY BUTTON IN or OUT?: It's looking preeeeet-tty stretched this week. But still in.

WEDDING RINGS OFF or ON?: On!

HAPPY or MOODY MOST OF THE TIME?: I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty prone to outbursts of tears. Be it from not being able to put socks on, to no being able to roll over in bed.

LOOKING FORWARD TO...?: Getting her OUT OF MY BODY and INTO MY ARMS!

39 weeks!

3 days until she is due. So it's really almost 40 weeks. But whatever. :]

I'm rocking the glasses this week because my contacts are itchy. Heh. But they make me sleepier than I already am. :/ Which isn't fun.

Firstly, things are unmoving. Everyone keeps asking how I'm feeling... Huge. And tired. And unmoving. I haven't had any contractions. The doctors haven't checked for dilation... and I don't want them to because if I'm dilated and there aren't contractions I will just get more impatient. It's not even her due date yet! Anyway, that's the answers to your questions. :]

I feel enormous. I mean, I never really believed the whale thing... but I feel HUGE. And not just an arbitrary huge, a constant I can hardly do anything for myself because it's hard to move around and do anything sort of huge. But mostly I cannot wait to meet this little girl!!!!! If only she would make her debut a little early. I mean, she already made it to October (as much as a begged and pleaded until the very last hour of September), so now I don't really care what day it is, as long as it's sooner, and not later! Hahaha.

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HOW FAR ALONG?: 39 weeks... and 4 days. So ALMOST 40 weeks.

TOTAL WEIGHT GAIN?: a lot. :]

MATERNITY CLOTHES?: jeans and huge t-shirts. Yes, my belly is too big for most of my maternity shirts. I will be slightly HAPPY to be able to fit in those again when she comes. Ha!
STRETCH MARKS?: itchy red ones.

SLEEP?: Meh. Who needs sleep? Haha.

BEST MOMENT THIS WEEK?: Getting the bookcase! woo!!! And then Jonathan and I went shopping for some books together. It was cool. And it got us really excited. :D

WORST MOMENT THIS WEEK?: Sleeplessness. :/ And hugeness. All of the times.

MOVEMENT?: After meals mostly this week.

MISS ANYTHING?: I think I've consistently answered this question the same. :] Tummy sleeping.

FOOD CRAVINGS?: Nothing this week. :]

ANYTHING MAKING ME QUEASY / SICK?: Nope.

GENDER?: a beautiful baby girl. :D

SYMPTOMS / MOODS?: The hugeness.

BELLY BUTTON IN or OUT?: Still in! Looks like it's in for the long haul.

WEDDING RINGS OFF or ON?: On.

HAPPY or MOODY MOST OF THE TIME?: Impatient. But happy, too!

LOOKING FORWARD TO...?: Her arrival!!! :D YAY!