One Week.

Well. It's been one week since the birth of my daughter, Hadassah! Well, technically it will be one week at 8:56 pm. And there is a lot to update, and I think I might be too candid. If so, I'm sorry. So without further ado:

We went in for our appointment on Wednesday of last week, they did an ultrasound and found out that she had flipped sometime during the week and was now breech. They also found that the amniotic fluid was low, so they immediately shipped us off to the hospital for a c-section... without explaining a lot. Which really freaked me out. By the time we got there, they had prepped my room and were finding a time for the surgery. I hadn't ever had surgery before so I was just a lot nervous and scared. Not to mention my only experience with anesthesia had not been a pleasant one (wisdom teeth removal, anesthesia resulting in a panic attack. Not a great experience.)

So they set my c-section for 8:30 pm (at the time it was about 4:30 pm, but we had eaten right before the appointment and they had to wait some hours after I had eaten). In the end, they wheeled me into the room at 8:15pm. I was getting a little panicky already, as it was my first surgery. Jonathan was amazingly supportive, and absolutely amazing. Here he is pre-c-section:

The anesthesiologist was great. He was funny and eased my nerves. The nurses were great, too, trying to calm me. In the end when the spinal kicked in, it really freaked me out and my lungs felt too heavy to breathe. I panicked. :/ But the anesthesiologist really helped me by telling me what was going on in my body, and assuring me that if I could talk, I could breathe. Jonathan came in, and could see I was struggling, and I think him just being there really helped me. It was a comfort being able to know he was there. I completely forgot what I was there for until they said "it's a girl!" and I started asked Jonathan if he could see her. He couldn't because she was still behind the blue clothe, but he updated me as soon as he could see her. Here is my first glimpse of her:

Totally took the panic away. And then she and Jonathan wisked away to get her cleaned up and checked out, while I got stitched up and put together, and then went to recovery for an hour. It was a long while until I could feel my extremeties. And they moved me into my room with my little girl beside me, and my wonderful husband following along!

Apparently because she was breech, she had her feet up by her head and her hips are a little loose, so she has to be in a brace for a few months (the time depends on how fast the hips correct themselves and develop). It makes changing diapers a little more difficult, but otherwise she doesn't seem to mind it.

The hospital stay was not long, but those nights felt really weird with her waking us up, and my not being able to move around much... learning and not always succeeding in nursing and trying to wake her up to eat when all she wanted to do was sleep. It was really frustrating being worried she wasn't eating and when she would just fall asleep when I would try to nurse. (Unfortunately this continued until we came home.) That being said, there were really good times of awe, just looking at our baby and loving her:

The hospital stay wasn't even a full 48 hours (the apparent norm for c-sections). We went in Wednesday night and were out on Friday afternoon. Everyone was really surprised that I wasn't hurting a lot, and could walk around pretty well. I'm still a little sore on my muscles above my inscision, but doing well. So we went home:

At home my hormone levels really took a turn for the worst, getting me really depressed and leaving me feeling empty. It didn't help that we were always panicking by how much she was sleeping, how little she was eating, and the frustration with breast feeding, which made me more depressed. We finally had to supplement with formula so she wouldn't get dehydrated. And then I got a pump, and we have been interchanging the breastfeeding that the bottle feeding as she allows. It's still a little disappointing sometimes, but I'm just glad she is eating regularly. I don't think it's good for me to worry too much about breast or bottle or formula or whatever, because it just really gets me down (and I'm not even totally sure why it means anything to me to begin with)-- and a depressed mommy isn't any good to a new baby. I'm already fighting baby blues from hormones, I shouldn't be worrying about the other stuff as long as the doctor tells me she is healthy! We go to the pediatrician today, so more updates after that!